He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
