so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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