Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
