I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
