my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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