I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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