im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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