come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
