nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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