I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
