I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
