need another drink. this is the easiest way
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize