It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
