I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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