And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
