EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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