I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
