My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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