I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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