I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
