I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
