i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
