I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
