a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
