your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
