We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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