Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
