you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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