Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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