No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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