He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
