either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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