His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
