OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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