Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
