I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
zippers are such a cool invention
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
