I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
