Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
