DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
