no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
