Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize