Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
