Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
