So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
