Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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