i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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