I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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