how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
