i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
