He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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