last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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