smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
