He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
