oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
