I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
