Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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