My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
