Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
