Can i not drive my cunt home
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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