i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
