I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
