your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
