so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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