My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
sex in a hospital.. check
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
