im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
