You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
