I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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