p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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