Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
