Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize