We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
