Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
