You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
